Too much love?

Can we love our children too much?

Well there is nothing called too much love, but on the other hand many parents fall into the trap of putting there children on a pedestal and over protect them. We all know that it is done out of love, but what are the consistences? We should love our children but at the same time we should not worship them. Parents should be preparing their children for the road ahead, but not be preparing the road by adjusting it so to speak. If we don’t let our children face any adversity we take a great lesson in life away from them by over protectingthem. You might be faced with a child that gets frustrated over something, then it would be wise to teach the child the proper technique to solve the problem at hand if possible. Example, frustration over Lego’s or something that can be solved with calm attitude and by using their mind to complete the task. This is relevant even for very young babies with simple tasks like this Fisher Price toy (see picture). It can be good to wait a bit and see if your child can figure out the solution through the frustration by itself or if you need to step in and calmly show them how. The easy thing to do, is to pick the child up and comfort it, that does not mean you love the child more nor less. Everyone needs some adversity to grow and mature.

One of the hardest thing a parent hears is criticism about their child, but if you have an open mind about it and try to see the positive side of that criticism that might play a big part in the child’s growth and correcting the problem if it truly is a problem. We as parents all know, even sometimes we have a hard time admitting it, that our children behave totally different at home than in other places like school for example. When our children are very young many of us don’t want to say anything negative to our child, which is fine, but positive criticism is very good in my opinion. For example, I was teaching my child her first tune on the piano. It was a very simple tune with only four notes to play and she would play it for me and wait for me to clapp. If she did the song with one note missing I said to her, wow that’s was almost perfect. Then she would try again and when she got it perfect I would then applaud her performance. When she got it with one hand on the four notes using each finger to play each note and got it perfect I would applaud her and then challenge her even more and now ask her to play with the other hand using all the fingers (not one finger like some of us learned first, including me). When writing this we are working on playing the four note tune with both hands simultaneously (she is 5 years old when this is written). I see that I could have started to show her how to play at least one year ago. While I teach her new skills in life today I always try to look at her as her own person, not an extension of me. I am not gonna look at her as my second chance of being something I was not, making this all be about me. I show her different things to do, lead by example and see what she likes and what challenges her. I love to watch her grow and I know she can be whatever she wants to be and it’s my job to help her realize that.

Is you child your BFF? Think about this, we do not parent our grown BFF’s, so how are we going to do the necessary parenting if our children are our BFF’s? I think we as parents want to be BFF with our children but we might want to wait until they are in their teens before it is wise to do so, the reason is that if we are BFF’s we become softer as parents and we might skip some of the things we really need to do but don’t wanna do. Yes parenting is not always 100% joy, but all the efforts of preparing our children for the road ahead is totally worth it. There are no short cuts unless you want to wait for the consistences a few years from now, I did that with my first born, do not recommend it. It is so much easier to discipline or correct your children when they are young and sometimes it’s too late if we are going to wait until they are 10 years old or even later than that.

Is your child gonna be a bully or be bullied? Nether is necessary true. I believe we need to keep an eye on our children at an early age how they interact with others and it is our job to prepare them for the adversity they will face when they are not at home under our protection. Many of us parents are afraid that our children will be left behind and we prepare our children to excel at sports for example. Sometimes we go so far to teach the children that they have to do whatever it takes to win, to be number one. What does that mean? Are we teaching our children to be willing to throw the other kids under a buss just to win the race, meaning willing to bully others? There is a fine line we can cross when teaching our children to succeed in sports for example, but true in many other situations as well. If we are focusing on our own fears that our child might be left behind we might be caught in a trap of training the next bully. In my opinion competing and winning is very good if that’s what you are teaching your children, but at the same time to play sportsmanlike, whether on the field or at the playground is also a key ingredient and to teach our children how to loose as well. We can teach them how to learn from the experience and grow from it, not focusing on the anger or frustration but the value of that lesson, how we can together become a better person from that loss.

What are your intentions for your child? To you have big dreams planned for your child? I think most of us parents wish something magical for our children and some start to push their children into something too early in my opinion. I believe a child needs to be a child as long as it needs to be, this varies from children. I think many of us know some children that were born with “an old soul”, it never quit seemed like that child ever was a child, but those are the exceptions. Most children need to play and have fun and come up with different things to do, we parents must sometimes correct the things they come up with, hehehe. Childhood and being able to go into imaginary games and play with friends is a great way to challenge the brain, their creativity and playfulness. One of the highest frequencies we can be at, is when we feel joy and we often see that in our children when they play, many adults forget this valuable trade in life to play and be joyful. It is a wonderful feeling to play and have fun and it impacts people around us when we have this radiant energy flowing from us. I do not want to take that away from my children even though I am teaching them valuable life lessons in between. How are we as parents teaching our children? Are we telling them to be this or that, and telling them how they should act and trying to be intelligent about it? But what are we teaching our children when it comes to how we behave and react to situations in life? I believe that whatever we teach our children we must become as well, if we are not already doing that ourselves. If you want your child to be an awesome person, then you need to be an awesome person. Our children learn the most from the energy vibration we are sending out and by the way we act and do things.

Children are motivated by short term gratification, but we as parents are always looking ahead. What will matter in 15 years from now? I believe it is the personality our children develop, how they treat others and what they think about themselves. In my opinion if we raise a child be limitless, meaning that the child is never allowed to use words like can’t, don’t, won’t, and no, when discussing something they want to be or do. Then the child will never wonder if I can do something but rather concentrate on the how and when. All the small things we teach and show our children that manage to become rituals and habits will compound into their future lives.

Simple reminder to all parents, our children do fall and we as parents don’t like to see it, but guess what, it is important for them to be able to fall, in different ways, short term pain for a long term gain. Watching our children learn lessons is not always easy but I embrace it at a part of their path towards becoming a great adult.

Time for change is now!

Huni Hunfjord.

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